I'm done

So of course I took a test this morning, it's only 2 dats early but I could not wait anymore.
OF course the test was negative, so I took another one, negative again. I will test on Thursday but I doubt it's going to change. honestly I feel like I want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I thought this was it, this was the time.
I felt sick like I was going to vomit, how could this happen for the 3rd time!!! Am I being punished?? What the fuck did we ever do to not deserve this as much as there girl poppin out kids she can;t take care of!!!
I am so angry! But of course life goes on so I have to sit here at work with all of these people who pretend to understand who could never understand what I feel. I just want to crawl in a whole and get out of this office. Thank god i only have an hour and a half left.
It's taking all I have not to burst into tears.
Well this was it, no more chances, no more money to try again. My days of baby making are over and i am heartbroken.

Dying!

This 2WW sucks ass!! I am so tired of waiting and I want to test so bad but I know I can't!!
So I took my temp today and it is 78.1 it's usually around 77 so I thought it was weird , does the fertility meds and progesterone make your temp go up?

Grr

So my insemination was 08/14/08 . Now I am in the dreaded 2WW, and on prometrium, which sucks becuase you are leaking all freakin night!!
I am again still hopeful that this time will work, I only ended up with 1 follicle so I was actually pretty upset i didnt need to pay 2 grand for 1 follicle when I can do that on my own!!! I am just upset with the whole Dr office right now!!
Anyway I would love to talk to anyone on the same cycle or close, have some support in this 2WW!

Doctors and ultrasounds oh my!

So I went for my appointment to check my follies and see how they were progressing with the Follistim. Turns out the little ladies are still small as ever and my Estradiol level was only at 47 and it needs to be at 200!! So obviously they up'd the dose to double what it was before so now it is 150 a day. This went on for 5 days and now I go back to the Dr. tomorrow afternoon. Oh yea and I had 5 follies total, there were 3 super small and 2 that were a bit bigger so I think by the time we inseminate there will only be 2 mature ones. I hope the others catch up because I want more targets for our sperm!! I know the change of multiples is higher but honestly we would welcome that.
So I had an idea while I was in the Dr patiently awaiting the end of the day rush for my turn. They need a fertility friend board!! So it can list all the people who want a fertility friend in the area! I think its a fabulous idea! LOL
I know I wish I had someone close to me that could share our journeys together as far as talking through emails or whatever it may be. I feel very alone lately in this process and no one seems to understand. My friends all try to help but they are so clueless to this process that it's not very comforting unfortunately.
I had a friend tell me oh don't stress if it happens it does if not you are still young! It doesnt work like that you know people don't see it from the eyes of the one trying to get pregnant!
I really hope it happens this time!! I have been praying constantly and hoping for the best, I can't even think about the worst right now becuase I don't know what I will do :(

Im Baaacckk and ready for some baby makin!

Well I had to take a small break from all of this baby making to refocus myself and figure out what I needed. And now we are back in action. It's try number 3!! This time we have moved to the Follistim, so I am ijecting myself every morning, with this crazy little egg makin drug.
We are on day 5 of the injections and I have my appointment on Thursday afternoon to check my follicles. I am nervous because we have decided this will be our last clinical try due to the costs. We have spent alot already and this last time we can't really afford but we figured the 3rd time is a charm!! So I am hoping all goes well and I don't go into the hyper ovul syndrome.
I feel like crap on these meds for the most part, or it could be nerves or stress. I am trying to stay stress free and positive :) I have felt very nauseas!!
The follistim pen is a neat little invention the only problem i have is its kind of hard to actually push the medicine in.
Well I would love to interact with anyone who is maybe going through the same thing as us. Feel free to email me :) michelbooker@sbcglobal.net

Going insane oh insane

Well oh well where to begin! Vegas was an absolute blast, there was some drama that I could have gone without though. I think anytime you get a bunch of lesbians and 3 gay guys together someone is going to have some drama. The night life there is amazingly fun! WE saw Zumanity which was really exciting!!! The sad part was all the money that dwindled away from my wallet.

The best part about this trip was getting my mind off of all the baby stuff, I mean I was so stressed out before we left, and probably more sad than anything. I feel like how can you want something so much and see it slip away with each negative test. I feel like not only am I stressed about the baby but it is affecting my partner and I. We are both so exhausted after only 2 trys that we are so snappy with eachother and fight about every little thing.

We are going to maybe try this month but looking at our finances now we are not sure if we should wait for another month or even few months or just try this time and if the injectables don't work then take a long break to get ourselves together.
I just fele so anxious right now, blogging usually helps but not so much right now. I have a huge knot in my stomach and I am not sure why :/

The Sad Truth

Well we got another negative test, I feel so beaten down by this entire thing. We are taking this month off because we are going to Vegas and know we wouldn't be able to go to Dr. Appointments. We are actually switching to injectables in June, so if anyone is at all familiar wih them please enlighten me, I am pretty clueless. It will increase our chances though by a small margin, so that's always good.

On another note my transfer went through, only problem I am having now is not walking out before my last day. I despise my job. With all of this going on plus baby stuff and all the other life stuff I am stressed to the max, hopefully Vegas will help me :)

Does anyone know how to find other lesbians TTC in this area?